River of Star Ch 5 bit – not a maniac

“So let me get this straight,” Jack said skeptically, keeping pace with the linguist turned priest as they headed down the road toward the nearest monastery. Might be galling that their local help was moseying, but at least his knees could keep up. “You’ve got youkai who can summon weapons out of thin air. Youkai who can throw fireballs. Youkai who can turn into giant man-eating spiders-”

“And youkai-eating,” Hakkai agreed, with that same unnerving smile. “My, that was gruesome.”

“-Youkai who can teleport. Youkai who can control the weather-”

“Mostly in a localized area,” Gojyo put in. “Nothing like seeing a tornado aimed straight at you to ruin your whole day.”

“-How the hell are any of you still alive?”

“Most of ’em aren’t that tough,” Goku shrugged. “And we don’t stay put too long. Harder to hit a moving target, right, Sanzo?”

“Part of it’s mental,” the blond said bluntly. “Getting youkai aimed one direction is like herding cats. Zatarc programming makes that easier, but it makes fanatics. And fanatics don’t plan. There’s a difference between attacking like a pride of lions and working as a team.”

“I get the guys in mid-range,” Gojyo stated. “Goku takes those close in. Hakkai keeps out most of the energy attacks, and Sanzo picks off whoever’s casting them. We know what we’re going to do, and when we’re going to do it.”

A major advantage for any team. Still….

“But you don’t know what happened to the bodies in Takei,” Daniel said sadly.

“There are, unfortunately, a number of possibilities,” Hakkai admitted.

“Cannibalism,” Jack said flatly.

“That is one, yes. There are also certain… devices, that require large amounts of various bodily fluids to function.”

Carter winced, disgusted. “Who would design something like that?”

“Ni,” Gojyo bit out. “Sick son of a bitch.”

“Which leads to another possibility,” Hakkai pointed out. “They might not be dead.”

“Yet,” Sanzo said grimly. “We go around Takei, not through. If there are survivors, we’ll find them, or they’ll make it back to Aomura on their own.”

“Deserted village, good spot for an ambush,” Jack agreed. If, huh? You’re not looking for survivors. “So, if they are alive, and Ni has them-”

“Then they’re miles away by now, and we can’t help them. Not unless we find another of his labs,” Sanzo said bluntly.

“Slaughtered, or experimental subjects,” Carter said queasily. “Are there any other options?”

“Slaves. Though if everybody’s gone, that’s not likely,” Gojyo said practically. “Maybe a kind of bargaining chip between clans – though we should have heard something if two clans this strong were feuding. Bodies for a zombie uprising-”

“We’re out-of-towners,” Jack said dryly. “Not idiots.”

“Can’t blame a man for trying.”

Uh-huh. Sure. “Speaking of blame,” Jack stated, not even pretending to be casual, “I’d be interested in knowing exactly what the terms of Hakkai’s parole are.”

“Jack!” Daniel hissed at him.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Hakkai assured the archaeologist. “After all, I’m not on parole anymore. Though certain authorities would prefer it if I were reporting my location, just in case.”

“Hand Gyokumen Koushu our whereabouts, just for the taking?” Sanzo smirked. “I don’t think so.”

“And since Gonou’s been removed, there’s no reason to worry,” Carter shrugged. “Right, sir?” She eyed him, suddenly uneasy. “Sir?”

Damn. Need to work on my poker face.

Sanzo didn’t look at either of them. “If you’ve got a problem with my people, Colonel, I’d like to hear it. Now.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Oh, where to begin?

“He thinks I’m a homicidal maniac,” Hakkai said easily.

“Jack!” Daniel exclaimed, exasperated.

Great. Just great. He had been planning to bring that up, yes – but later. When he could catch a night watch with the blond idiot. Not in front of his shocked 2IC and linguist, not to mention Hakkai’s own soon to be furious friends….

Who – didn’t look that furious. Didn’t even look upset.

Why did that not give him a warm and fuzzy feeling?

“Colonel,” Sanzo said levelly, “I can assure you all Hakkai’s acts of homicide are planned, premeditated, and calculated. Nothing maniac about them.”

Jack stared at the man.

“What, you thought Gonou killed his way through a thousand angry youkai in a human body on his own?” Gojyo said wryly. “Believe me, when it comes down to knives in the dark? Tok’ra aren’t that bright.”


29 thoughts on “River of Star Ch 5 bit – not a maniac

  1. Someone in universe just might be remote watching this and howling with laughter . . .
    “What’s so funny?”
    “Do you see the looks on their faces?”

    ‘Cause I imagine they are getting quite amusing ones every time of the ikoku does or says something that causes their brains to go “wait, what?” or even better “does not compute . . . reboot y/n?”

    One of the most aggravating things about this mess for Sanzo might be getting a small understanding of why the Hag likes messing with people’s heads so much . . .

    My bunnies have presented the image of someone trying to use the description of youkai at the beginning of this bit in an attempt to discourage the Fanalis from going there. The Pride’s only reaction:
    “Sounds like fun.”
    “Can we go there? Can we, can we?”
    “Is there fish?”

    Liked by 3 people

    1. And now you know half the reason Kanzeon wants Earth to survive: They’re so much fun to mess with!

      …What may be aggravating Sanzo even more is that all his team is getting in on the messing. With great glee. Meaning Sanzo actually has to be the Only Sane Man.

      …And that’s supposed to be Hakkai’s job, damn it!

      And yes. Fanalis would love this place. So much. *G*

      Liked by 3 people


    Oh man, that was funnier than I thought it would be. I can’t wait to see the chapter in its entirety. XD

    Jack, Jack, Jack.. Hakkai told you he didn’t want to kill his neighbors. Did you not get what that meant regarding the Centipede Clan? Also, a human–even one with a symbiote–would probably have problems killing through 1k+ youkai unless there were serious planning involved, not to mention cooperation between the two of them. Hakkai + Gonou probably wouldn’t have even got caught if Kanan hadn’t suicided right in front of them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *Wry G* Jack is beginning to catch on.
      It’s just taking some time to wrap his mind around “this is a homicidal personality who is not locked up where they threw away the key.
      And he’s not locked up because Sanzo is pretty sure he got most of the homicidal “kill everything that just happened to be there” out of his system then, and everything since is more “kill it because it’s trying to kill me, or someone close to me.” Much healthier.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Or in other words, Sanzo doesn’t care, because no one he wants alive and intact are going to be in Hakkai’s line of fire. And the civilians who should care? *Don’t* because Sanzo can yank Hakkai back on track.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. *snicker*

    I can just see SGC-1’s brains breaking from finding out that the medic in Sanzo and Co. group is really good at killing people, probably enjoys that it most circumstances and that Sanzo and Co. really don’t have a problem with that. Then again, it’s not like everyone else in Sanzo’s group has a problem killing people either so long as there’s a good reason for it…

    That said, one thing Earth has never been (or if it was, it hasn’t been for a long, long time) is a death trap for humanity. We’re used to having the luxury of being apex predators and know that nothing else really poses a threat to us except ourselves. Shangri-La on the other hand? Way more of a death trap. Humans aren’t top dog there and most people know it. SGC-1 doesn’t live like that so they’re going to have a hard time dealing with aspects of the culture that start from the assumption that other humans not the strongest things humanity has to face. Actually, a lot of the situations that SGC finds themselves in probably suffer from that blind spot…


    1. Oddly enough, I think Hakkai and Janet would get along quite well. They’re both familiar with patching people up – and with going after their enemies so they don’t have to patch people up!

      Ah, Earth. “Everything Is Trying To Kill You.” There are still places where humans aren’t apex predators. Check out “The Tiger” by John Vaillant, for a true story of a deliberate maneater with a grudge. It’s spine-chilling.

      I think, in SG-1’s case, the problem is less “not apex predators” and more “not used to dealing with constant low-level insurgency conditions”. Which is something Jack is going to reflect on later – and realize that in those circumstances, yes, Sanzo is very lucky to have Hakkai, and knows it!


  4. …I’m not even pretending to not roll about in laughter right now.

    >>“I can assure you all Hakkai’s acts of homicide are planned, premeditated, and calculated. Nothing maniac about them.”


    The Tok’ra and SGC should’ve thought about that, right. Especially with the kind of person Hakkai is turning out to be – there’s no way Gonou would have managed to kill so many youkai in one night with his body fighting him every step. Then again, the Tok’ra don’t really seem to think very highly of their flesh puppets *coughs* Oh, sorry, I meant perfectly compliant and voluntary vessels.

    Poor SG-1. It’s like they thought Jack questioning the sanity of anyone in the ikkou would actually offend them. I honestly wonder if *any* of them would be offended by that, at this point. Which could change, depending on just how far into ‘canon’ their adventures have gone, here.

    The zombie rising thing was funny, though. Didn’t they actually fight zombies at some point? I might be remembering things wrong, though.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. *Snrk* Gonou didn’t kill that many in one night – even in the manga, it’s implied it took him months to get in to try and rescue Kanan. My bunnies have visions of the local youkai having “Jack the Ripper” style reports and trying to find the responsible guy, all the while getting wound more and more tight….

      And yeah, Sanzo would say himself they left sanity back on that left turn to Albuquerque.

      As for zombies… *Innocent whistling.*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahahaha, loving the thought of ‘Jack the Ripper’ reports. Can you imagine the kind of nightmares Hakkai and Gonou must have inspired among the youkai? Especially since, if I remember it right, the minus wave wasn’t exactly driving youkai around the bend back then. Hell, he must’ve become their very own bogeyman. The guy they’d be too shit-scared of to meet in dark.

        “Don’t mess with humans because you might just be left with a thousand-killer on your hands. There’s a damned reason we avoid the quiet ones.”

        And all the tiny youkai kids go “Well, I’m not sure if I want to mess with humans like that or not, they’re fun to play with, even if they get hurt easier than we do. But okay. Lesson learnt.”

        And then the minus wave happens. Haha.

        PS: Zombies? Zombies? Saiyuki-style zombies, even? *grins*


    2. Think there were “zombies” in the first part of desert arc with the scorpion youkai who killed a previous Sanzo and definitively proved that Sanzo will smack a bitch up, given enough provocation. (She does poison him which leads to Kougaiji meeting Seiten Taisei Son Goku and getting his… everything broken.)

      The Centipede Clan survivor with the mahjong tiles from Hakkai’s backstory episodes who sealed himself inside his own corpse…

      Also, for not-as-creepy/WAY-creepier we have Hazel raising the (un)dead in Reload Gunlock. Undead who seem perfectly normal until they form a zombie hoards to kill youkai because Hazel raised them from the dead using youkai SOULS.

      So, yeah, zombies might be a bit of a Saiyuki canon thing…


      1. Pretty sure I was thinking about both the Centipede Clan survivor and and some scenes from the (never-ending) Hazel arc when I thought about the ikkou facing zombies in-canon…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think I’m still missing some, and in the desert (manga and anime) they make the comment “haven’t we killed these guys before?”

        Hazel zombies win the creepy award in my book. Being fine until they aren’t is more horrifying than just being corpses. And that’s before you think about all the women and children Hazel “saved.”


      3. Meguimuse: Re the “haven’t we killed these guys before” – I think that was more of a, “okay, this is getting ridiculous – rinse, cycle, repeat ad nauseam”.

        Liked by 1 person

    3. *echoes Vathara’s innocent whistling re zombie uprisings*

      Just remember, in this crossover, magic doesn’t exist. Sufficiently Advanced Technology and energy manipulation do, however.

      *more innocent whistling*


  5. And then he has to realize that the Sanzo ikko is weird even for Shangri-La…

    Stars and stones, putting the ikkou on Earth really would be like putting dire-wolves in a room full of american german shepards… They’d be well behaved until the instincts didn’t mesh and the poor breakable things wouldn’t stand a chance. (Sanzo would end up being a Caucasian Shepard or some other huge (mostly) domestic thing you could use to ride to battle.)


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