Saiyuki Crackfic bunny: Worst Jedi Ever

Indulge my plotbunnies, they get crazy sometimes….

So. Here’s a Clone Wars/Rebels era crossover idea to snicker at. Genjyo Sanzo:  Worst Jedi ever.

And yet the Temple probably couldn’t do anything because he demonstrates total lack of Attachment. These three idiots just keep… coming along with him.

Gojyo as a smuggler who really needed a ship. Hakkai as a Fallen Jedi, who hasn’t quite got himself out of using the Dark Side. (The Temple would Do Something about that, but Sanzo sits on him most of the time and the rest of the time they are up to their ears in Separatists and Hakkai vs. killer robots gets very interesting indeed.)

And Goku… oh, hell no, Sanzo’s not even going to try to explain Goku. Sanzo found Goku on a deserted part of a planet – deserted for damn good reason, apparently there was an old Sith compound there – and he has regretted it ever since.

The Sutra – obviously, it’s part of some other Force-sensitive order’s traditions. Likely one Koumyou stumbled on; I see the pair of them as part of the Jedi Archaeology Corps, before everything went to Palpatine in a handbasket.

Which might make Gyumaoh some kind of Sith Lord the Separatists/Empire are trying to revive….

Post Order 66, I so see Sanzo hiding his lightsaber and sticking to a blaster. The Rebellion doesn’t want anything to do with them. They leave chaos and destruction in their wake! They’re terrorists!

Pre Order 66… well, bunnies had this dialogue-snippet.

Master Windu: “That little monster is a Sith weapon.”

Yoda: “Your eyes you should open, Master Windu. A child, Goku is.”

Windu: “A child that could take down this entire Temple if that… thing comes off him.”

Yoda: “Under Sanzo’s care, restrained he will be.”

Windu: “…Did you read his last mission report?”

Yoda: “Indeed. And at the Separatists we have aimed him.”

Windu: “…Right. Not sending any other troops to that planet, they’d only get hurt.”

T’raa Saa: “Master Windu. It was gracious of you to release… Hakkai… from further treatment. But do you think it’s wise?”

Windu: “….I did what?”

Yoda: “Very subtle, Sanzo is. Very subtle….”



50 thoughts on “Saiyuki Crackfic bunny: Worst Jedi Ever

  1. Indulge my plotbunnies, they get crazy sometimes….

    Part and parcel of having plot bunnies.

    Besides, you have listened to a few of mine’s crazy ideas and fair is fair. 😉

    Sanzo as a Jedi Knight . . .

    Well, personally I think it’s awesome.

    And while one can certainly quibble with those four methods (and other things), you cannot say that they don’t get the job done. It might be messily done. It might involve a few more knocked over buildings and dead bodies than you were originally planning on. But it got done.

    Plus I like things that might, just maybe, kick at least some of the Order or the Council in the behinds about stuff.

    And okay, some of my bunnies think that maybe some impressionable young types thinking grumpy blonde most unJedilike Jedi they know is a good role model. Which even Sanzo himself is confused by. And annoyed because the idiots keep snickering about it.

    Goku . . . well, Goku is always going to be a person of mass destruction but I wish more people would learn to see that he is also a loveable peach-stealing monkey.

    Hakkai is just . . . Hakkai.

    I think Gojyo’s attitude is “Just roll with it.”

    Yoda: “Very subtle, Sanzo is. Very subtle….”

    Oh, Sanzo, you delightful little sneak. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. 🙂


        Anyone who complains about it is reminded that the younglings could have picked a worse person to follow around. Especially if you are limiting that to just those four . . .

        Through it does give some of the Council an eye twitch to realize that some of said younglings have started to look to Goku as Minion#1 of Sanzo’s Minions (Gojyo’s terminology, not Sanzo’s, I should add).

        Through part of me thinks (and hopes) any Jedi younglings whose mind set includes the phrase “What would Sanzo Genjyo do?” might have a better chance of surviving Order 66 and it’s aftermath.

        Especially since I’m sure his was “Grab everything and everyone you can and get the heck out of here. And hide. Change your names, change your clothes, change your weapons – anything that marks you as a Jedi either get rid of it or hide it extremely well. This is not the time for a head on fight. This is the time for a strategic retreat.”

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Ezra: “Wait….you’re a Jedi?”

    Sanzo: “One of those the council didn’t like talking about. They preferred the nice shiny poster boys like Kenobi and Skywalker. Two may have constantly been ****ing things up but they always looked good for PR. I like getting results instead.”

    Kanan: “That isn’t even remotely true. They-”

    Sanzo: “If you actually believe that line of bilge Kanan, I’ve got some prime Coruscant farmland to sell you.”

    Gojyo: “Hey Zeb old buddy, how’ya been?” *G*

    Zeb: “You stay away from me you walking disaster area!”

    Hera: “Dare I ask what happened?”

    Gojyo: “Probably the improvised ‘danger-close’ with the handful of thermal detonators I pulled to kill those droids back in the day.”

    Zeb: “You blew us off a bridge over 30 meters up.”

    Gojyo: “And we both came out of it without any permanent injuries. What’s the problem?”

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Jedi younglings? HA! Try the clones. Mandalorean born and bred; they would love Sanzo’s take-no-shit attitude, dote on Goku (adorable little monster that he is), talk shit with Gojyo, and would hero worship Hakkai the Jedi-wrangling extraordinare.

    Mostly because I headcanon that the clones with good generals (Obi-Wan, Anakin, etc.) were constantly fretting over ‘their’ Jedi’s recklessness. I mean, who else wants to see Rex and Cody reminding Anakin and Obi-Wan to eat, or Kix sedating them so they’ll actually rest instead of staying up for the fifth day in a row?

    Liked by 4 people

  4. Have no idea what Jedi is aside from a religion, there’s a green troll, and one dude kissed his sister in one of the movies. Hilarious idea though! 😀 I wish you the best of luck on your writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the interest of fairness, the guy kissing his sister didn’t know said woman was his sister at that time. They had been separated at birth, raised entirely separate with no knowledge of each other’s existence. Plus I think Leia kissed him purely to make a point to Han, who was annoying her.

      Jedi are . . . kinda of psionic space wizards. With a side order of Knight Errant with laser swords.

      The green troll is Yoda and he was one of the leaders of the Jedi . . . and has been for a very, very long time.

      Apologies if the Star Wars info was unnecessary meaning I misread the joke. Or just plain annoying.

      Agree that is a totally funny idea. 🙂


  5. My bunnies for a SW/Saiyuki crack fic post-Saiyuki are along the lines of Kanzeon needing an ambassador to send to the Senate so she sends Kougaiji and Co. as they’re actually capable of talking with people without shooting them. And becasue somethings fishy going on with the leader of the Senate and isn’t it a nice bonus that Kougaiji and Co. have experience with people’s heads getting mystically messed with?

    Only at the first meeting between Palpatine and Kougaiji and Co, Lirin happens to mention that Palpatine reminds her of her mom. Kougaiji makes sure that it is his step-mom she’s talking about and then asks Kanzeon if Sanzo and Co. are available…

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Thought 1: Sanzo doesn’t have clone troopers, but he treats them as individuals when he meets them and it’s never occurred to him to do otherwise. All of them do. There is an increasing number of troopers who are torn if they want to adopt Sanzo or build a temple in honor of him somewhere.

    Thought 2: Remember when Sanzo put the Fear of Sanzo in River of Stars? That with Jedi. The encounters and shit-calling are /legendary/.

    Thought 3: Kenobi has, at least once in his life, had the thought “Anakin is bad, but latest he isn’t Sanzo or one of Sanzo’s (I can’t figure out the word here. Psychopaths would only refer to Hakkai, Monsters (Goku)? Group? Just ‘one of Sanzo’s?)”

    Thought 4: Yoda and Kanzeon get along. Multiple universes tremble.

    Thought 4: Palpatine did not see the Sanzo group coming in his plans. He has broken lots of stuff in fits because of them.

    Thought 4: *feeds bunnies and squees*

    Liked by 3 people

      1. *is reminded of that time in the Reload manga that, after killing kami knows how many youki in caves, Sanzo comes to town, injured and Done With Everything, to find a mob about to attack his three Idiots.* The glare after he shoots his last bullet in the air and says “we’re leaving.” Is enough to quiet the mob and convince me that Sanzo considers force suggestion a cheap copout.

        Seriously if it’s mind-to-mind battle or a battle of will, Sanzo just steamrolls over everyone. That man has a will you can break diamond on.

        The council, once, considered what would happen if Sanzo Fell, they didn’t sleep well for weeks and never so much thought it again. Sometimes, you don’t even begin to think about taunting Murphy- you just pray and lock that thought in a box, then burn the box.

        Liked by 4 people

  7. So a Republic supply base commander pulls all his top men into his office and says “Jedi Master Genjyo Sanzo is stopping by tomorrow.”

    Everyone who knows who that is starts swearing and demanding to know if all the contingency protocols are up to date after his last visit.

    And a bewildered Shiny demands to know what all the fuss is about.

    “Remember when General Skywalker stopped by a month ago after that engagement over Christophsis, and Commander Rex tricked me into proofreading his report on the unexpected side effects of using AT-TEs as landing craft in a Zero-G environment?” The commander asks.

    The Shiny goes pale and nods. “General Sanzo is worse than General Skywalker.” The Shiny manages to get even paler.

    Liked by 5 people

      1. You know, I can see that conversation happening across the multiverse and not just about those universe’s Sanzo.

        Plus I’m sure this bunch subscribes to the theory that if it is crazy and it works, then it isn’t crazy.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. And I think Ja’far would kill us if we put Sinbad into a universe where he felt he wasn’t the biggest lunatic and needed to up his game.

        Or because he knows that people like that group would give Sinbad ideas and he gets enough of those all on his own. It’s bad enough that he has deal to with Alibaba adding his crazy to Sinbad’s.

        Through I’m sure some Djinn would probably love Sanzo. And you can’t say he doesn’t tick the King Candidate boxes . . . okay, His Crankiness isn’t what most people would call charming but you can’t argue that he doesn’t have a certain charisma.

        Through I find the idea of Hakkai or any of the rest of them with a Household Vessel kinda of terrifying. Awesome but terrifying.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Yes he is.

        It wasn’t a case of that would make him scarier so much as a case of “just when you thought Hakkai couldn’t get any more terrifying.”

        Through the bunnies think the picture of Hakkai meeting some member of the Magi gang and they almost automatically peg him as dangerous and get then more nervous when he smiles at them. It makes him and the rest of his bunch curious because usually only people who have met Hakkai before know to be scared of him in general and especially when he smiles . . . right up until they meet our favorite dandelion fluff assassin smiling pleasantly over a pile of dead somethings that thought attacking an injured Sinbad while Ja’far was in range to be a good idea . . .

        Liked by 4 people

      3. Hakkai and Ja’far.
        Rest of Generals and Ikkou: Staaaare.
        Sanzo: “So. We didn’t like that planet anyway, right?”
        Sinbad: “Er.”
        Sanzo: “And you know this is all going to be our fault.”
        Sinbad: “Well, yes. The idiot villains attacked us, so of course they had to eliminate them, so of course this is our fault. We’re going to hear about it for weeks.”
        Cue cigarettes and wine flagons….

        Liked by 3 people

  8. That’s either a Killer Rabbit or a March Hare. Or perhaps some sort of unholy love child between the two.

    It could be a Bugs Bunny, now that I think of it… Chaos, destruction, someone snickering Well you asked for it! in the background…

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Last night I watched a Hellsing AMV, and thought ‘The police girl is kinda like Shinon, I bet the latter could somehow be substituted for the former or something’. This lead nowhere, except for transcribing Hellsing into Star Wars.


  10. So the Ikkoku were a group/met before Order 66? And basically found each other after and started kicking Empire butt if they unfortunately ran into some?

    Also, watch Rogue One only if you don’t mind Saiyuki Gaiden levels of what happens to the main characters. Unless you want to write fix-its after.

    Liked by 1 person

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