Saiyuki Crackfic bunny – Worst Jedi Ever, II

It’s been A Day, so… a bit more insanity.

Some backstory to this idea. Cho Gonou and his sister Cho Kanan (Saiyuki Kanan, not SW Rebels!) were twins, Jedi Healers, and both apprenticed under T’raa Saa for a while. Unfortunately Jedi not being real family types did not quite get the bond between siblings, especially fraternal twins. The pair worked well together, almost like one person, why mess with it?

Right. Granted most of the time the “no attachments” bit of the Jedi needs a hammer taken to it. But with the Cho twins? There was a serious problem there.

So… bunnies say they were sent into some of the early bits of the Clone War, where Kanan was kidnapped, tortured, and killed. Suddenly lacking the Force bond he’d had all his life, Gonou promptly snapped and murdered the villagers who turned her over and pretty much the whole Separatist clan responsible.

Also, the bunnies say while Sanzo sucks at Force Manipulation? Cho Gonou (later Hakkai) is very, very good at it.

…Yes, that scares me too.

Gojyo was the smuggler and gambler who picked up a very bloody guy, possibly just ahead of a raging mob. If there was anyone left to rage.

On yet another Council “Can we get them out of our hair this time?” mission, Sanzo and Goku showed up to take Gonou back to the Temple. There was, of course, violence.

(That’s why they sent Sanzo. For one thing, he can’t use Force Manipulation, but he’s also damn good at No Selling it….)

After certain misunderstandings were ironed out, in part involving his face and someone’s knuckles, or maybe vice-versa, Gojyo came along with the other three to both bring a cargo to Coruscant and see what happened.

Bunnies say it may have been T’raa who gave Hakkai his new name, because no one had realized how much of Gonou’s identity was tangled up with his twin, to the point that when she died, he fragmented.

…And then Sanzo ended up needing help to go hunt down bad guys, so by use of some creative slicing he snuck Hakkai out and they’ve been together ever since. Bunnies honestly suspect Hakkai may have bonded to Sanzo as “person to keep me stable”. Which makes Sanzo argh. A lot.

Bunnies also say that the limiters Hakkai wears are meant to damp down his contact with the Force, so he has an easier time not using the Dark Side. This… sometimes works better than others.

Sanzo’s style is Ataru, the acrobatic one (fits what we’ve seen of him fighting canon) and he has the Energy Absorption trick. Meaning he can catch a lightsaber blade, if he wants. Usually he’s not that crazy. Usually.

I suspect Hakkai’s style, when he’s not using lightning, is Soresu. You know, the one that looks so quiet until it tangles you up and decapitates you….

Kryal also added the image  of Goku plus kid Rebels!Kanan (Caleb Dume).  “Sanzo maintains that the broken Temple roof is not his fault.”


20 thoughts on “Saiyuki Crackfic bunny – Worst Jedi Ever, II

  1. Granted most of the time the “no attachments” bit of the Jedi needs a hammer taken to it.

    I’ll drink (my coffee) to that.

    If there was anyone left to rage.

    Probably still some left alive on the planet.

    Likely because they decided to wait until after the crazy Force user was off the planet and then some to start raging.

    Bunnies honestly suspect Hakkai may have bonded to Sanzo as “person to keep me stable”.

    He seems to have a talent for that in most universes. See Goku.

    Usually he’s not that crazy. Usually.

    Now if only his life would reciprocate.

    “Sanzo maintains that the broken Temple roof is not his fault.”

    He told them to stop riling up the monkey. Or feeding him those sweets, darn monkey is hyper enough on regular food . . .

    And he was told that he was the one who made the monkey his problem . . .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You realize this left the Temple with an interesting conundrum: how to send Sanzo on things dangerous and tricky enough to get all three of them out in the field. (Four! Says Gojyo.) But hopefully not get Sanzo killed off… unless Hakkai got killed off too.

      (And Goku. But the Council was mostly worried about Hakkai. He knows where they live.)

      Liked by 4 people

      1. I can understand that not wanting there to be another roaring rampage of revenge . . . especially since he might hold them responsible and rampage all over them.

        And as you said, he knows where they live.

        Through I still would not want to be the Council or near anything breakable if a mission killed Sanzo and Hakkai but not Goku. Because the lovable, peach-stealing monkey would not react well. At all. Let’s all remember what happened in Gaiden (? I think that’s what it was called – the one with the past lives of our quartet that ended in sadness and pain).

        I can understand keeping most of your focus on Hakkai. Because Goku might kill you. Especially if you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Hakkai will most definitely kill you. He also can and will hunt you down to do it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m going to catch up on my sleep more, so that this stops sounding so interesting.

    (A while back I found a period in the Republic’s deep history where it was controlled by a religious sect. My bunnies tell me that this would be a reasonable cognate to Kou. Also, Star Wars can quite possibly fit into the cosmology of Dragon Ball.)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Wait….so the monkey could be related to Son Goku? Destroyer of feasts and the dude that always comes back to the fight and wins (only applies to big bosses). Or when they turn into big monkeys they just have a wrestling match with wookies….


      2. Dragonball and Saiyuki are both derived from Journey to the West. Normally merging the two handsome monkey kings back into one seems the obvious thing. Bulma, Oolang, and IIRC Yamcha work less well as Saiyuki’s Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai.

        I understand that most of the Dragonball property happens in one twelfth of their multiverse. Which should be big enough to hide an awful lot of galaxies as backwaters that no one pays attention to, where things can work very funny.

        My thinking was not ideal yesterday, and data suggests today’s will not be an improvement. Yesterday, the ideas I was working on were so broken that I didn’t think adding more elements would make them worse. So I looked at adding Dragon Balls, and decided as well hung for bringing in a random Saiyajin. Today I’m thinking that adding in those three stormtroopers who got sent back in time, Touhou, the DuQuesnes, and their Skylark gives me an actually useable plot.

        In short, I’m imagining that this Star Wars Saiyuki Son Goku is no more closely related to the Dragonball Earth Son Goku than you are to some guy who died without offspring a thousand years ago. But I’m full of it.


  3. Honestly, this does sound rather interesting. I admit my knowledge of Saiyuki is rather limited…but what would Goku be in this setting? Sort of the same thing Anakin is? That is a being created by the direct intervention of the force and so has ‘we try not to count that high’ level of connection…but not the emotional maturity to not get swept up in a galaxies worth of anger/rage etc?


  4. Please continue to be insane. I love this plot bunny.

    I do have one question. I don’t know the Star Wars universe that well. I quit watching after the awful “Return of the Jedi”, but isn’t there still a *big* power differential between Sanzo and company and the Jedi? Unless you figure that Sanzo doesn’t have the Maten in this story, and the Jedi do have a significant advantage in sheer numbers. I’m curious how you balance the equation.

    (I’m also not certain Sanzo or Hakkai would put up with some of the more idiotic Jedi stuff without trying to *fix it* in their own..ah…inimitable fashion.)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, the most likely time period for this to work would be the Clone Wars era. I highly recommend the graphic novels, they’re awesome.

      At that point in time there are lots of very, very outnumbered Jedi. The Sanzo-ikkou would probably be about on a power level with a pair of Jedi and their bunch of clone troopers, so not a big deal.

      Liked by 1 person

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