Saiyuki crackbunny, Worst Jedi Ever, III

So I do have a few more bits of insanity….

As I mentioned previously, Sanzo sucks at Force Suggestion and Hakkai is frighteningly good at it. Hakkai also, as we know in canon, can be polite, efficient, and sadistic all at the same time.

Which means when Hakkai gets that little smirk, Sanzo knows he has to step in before Hakkai Suggests an Imperial agent walk right behind that spaceship engine about to blast off….

Bunnies appear to be placing this in the Clone Wars timeframe, but I also had the thought that if the Ikkou ever did meet the Ghost crew…. Well, first off, Sanzo would sit Ezra down and tell him not to try and meditate with, approach, or otherwise “help” Hakkai. “We’re broken people. You’re not old enough or trained enough to deal with that.”

Kanan (Jarrus, not Cho, and there’s another good reason to steer clear of Hakkai) would probably spend the entire time the ikkou’s anywhere near him with the little hairs on the back of his neck going straight up. Not to mention fighting the urge to snatch his padawan away from anywhere near the smiling brunet with the subtle cyber-eye. Because who knows how many details on what Cho Gonou did got mentioned to the younglings, but Caleb Dume was bright, inquisitive, and nosy as a ferret on sugar; he had to have heard something about that mess.

(Kanan Jarrus is not dumb. Wanting to get a padawan who’s got problems with dark emotions the hell away from Hakkai is an entirely sane reaction, and Sanzo and Gojyo would both probably applaud his good sense. Though Goku would pout. He wants to see Sanzo cut loose with a lightsaber again and when’s Sanzo ever going to do that except sparring when he’s absolutely sure no one’s going to catch him at it?)

I haven’t got a lot of details on Gojyo yet, not even planetary origin, but I know he’s very good at sabacc. And other gambling games. While he knows something about piloting, he was primarily a gambler and sometimes-muscle before running into Sanzo’s brand of trouble, and he’s more likely to take the guns than the pilot’s seat. That’s Hakkai’s spot.

(And Gojyo tries not to think about the times Hakkai’s played chicken with ships the size of Star Destroyers. Jedi precog or not, that’s not sane.)

Goku… he was either a Sith Creation or some rogue Jedi creation that Kanzeon scooped up and rescued; if only by putting him into stasis until someone showed up with enough strength of will to handle him. Nyoi-boi has a tech basis in this setting, though I suspect the collapsed state of the staff is small enough to hide in Goku’s bracers.

One thing the plotbunnies aren’t currently sure of is if Sanzo changed his name post-Order 66, or not. As in, was he Kouryuu or Konzen before the order went out? Because the image of prim and proper Konzen cutting his hair and ditching the more noble-style dress for a priest’s robes would be an interesting identity hiding bit.

As for events post-66, given an entire Empire, why hasn’t the Sanzo-ikkou been caught? So far, the bunnies have a few tentative suggestions. First off… well. As per Saiyuki canon, the ikkou tends to sneak by whenever possible, fight only when cornered – and then use massive amounts of violence. It’s like getting into a fight with a rattlesnake in a phone booth.

Second, Palpatine tends to want Fallen Jedi, so they can be turned to work for him. Sanzo’s proved over and over again that you can’t get him to Fall; you might as well ask a mountain to go take a walk. But Hakkai… is tempting. Very tempting.

(This may be Mace Windu’s revenge from beyond the grave. I’d bet anything he’s watching that in the Force and smirking. You think you can turn Hakkai? Good luck.)

Third… it’s possible that Sanzo’s group is still exploring the kind of temples they found Goku and/or the Sutras in. And Palpatine may not yet have all the information he needs to use/revive the Sith Lord Gyumaoh. Not yet.

Which may imply that Vader wants them dead anyway, he just can’t quite catch them….


44 thoughts on “Saiyuki crackbunny, Worst Jedi Ever, III

  1. >>But Hakkai… is tempting. Very tempting.

    (This may be Mace Windu’s revenge from beyond the grave. I’d bet anything he’s watching that in the Force and smirking. You think you can turn Hakkai?…

    Heh. I expect that a successful attempt to turn Hakkai would result in at least planetary-scale depopulation. I think that the most telling point about Sith megalomania is that they tend to think that they can succeed in making people Fall while also keeping them from going omnicidal. Because I expect that if I went into an empathic hate/rage-spiral, I would just want Everything To Go Away. And since the world is pretty darn persistent at existing even near crazy Force-users, well, some effort would have to go into Making it Cut That Out.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Given the particular kinds of darksiders we see in Star Wars, the smart Sith are probably lounging indolently in their heavily Force-shielded, opulent country estates: content to study sorcery and alchemy in splendid isolation except when they see shiny potential students. I imagine precog and divination magic makes manipulating the stock market a snap.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. Re: Kanzeon

        A Sufficiently Advanced Alien Sith Lady, yikes. Actually, in Legends there was a precursor race called the Architects/Celestials that made stuff waaay beyond even Old Republic understanding of the Force. Guess who is a perfect candidate for being a member…

        Liked by 4 people

      3. Yeah, there is a reason I’ve been thinking about very distant past. Legends (IIRC) says that some ancient spaceships of unknown origin kidnapped a bunch of force sensitives from around the Galaxy, and dumped them on this one planet, and that is pretty much the dawn of history.

        Yu-Gi-Oh/Star Wars

        Liked by 1 person

  2. They probably didn’t tell the Younglings much. I think even the Jedi Order understands that some topics are best left to when the kids are bit older.

    But Jedi of all years tend to be incurably curious. And anything or anyone who makes the Council that tense is probably all but daring the Younglings to snope.

    Snoping is not discouraged in the Jedi Order. Snoping is often part of their job.

    (And Gojyo tries not to think about the times Hakkai’s played chicken with ships the size of Star Destroyers. Jedi precog or not, that’s not sane.)

    Sweetheart, what makes you think Hakkai is ever going to claim to be anything as mundane as sane?

    Through CorSec probably would say that wasn’t a Hakkai thing so much as a Jedi thing.

    Because the image of prim and proper Konzen cutting his hair and ditching the more noble-style dress for a priest’s robes would be an interesting identity hiding bit.

    Makes one smile.

    Especially if he was a little more prim and proper, with the occasional flashes of the Sanzo we know. Like, you’d see if you were on the same missions that went south or if you knew him well . . . well, most people only see the surface anyway. If he looks prim and proper, they’ll assume that is the way he is.

    Which would probably makes the very much not prim and proper, cranky Sanzo virtually unrecognizable as Konzen Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is.

    Might be funny if people seriously do a double take or a spit take when told who he was before 66.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Snooping, Hakkai would admit, is some of the best part of the job. As long as you don’t get caught.

      And heh. There are gradations of Jedi insanity….

      The idea of Konzen dealing very politely with clone troopers, neat as a pin in the midst of the mud, is very amusing. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. And heh. There are gradations of Jedi insanity….

        True that.

        Through for many people, crazy is crazy. They are all crazy. To what extent doesn’t matter.

        To which Ja’far shouts across the multiverse: “Yes it does! Especially if you are prone to get caught up in their crazy!”
        Sinbad: “At least I’m not boring.”
        Ja’far (to the others): “Remind me again why I haven’t killed him?”
        *shrug* “Because?”
        “He amuses you when he isn’t getting on your last nerve?”
        “You’re worried about the rest of us getting on you for jumping the line?”
        “Cleaning up the resulting mess sounds like just as much of a pain in the neck as having him around?”
        “He’s occasionally useful?”
        “You don’t want to break in a new King?”
        “That’s letting him off too easy?”
        Sinbad: “Really feeling the love here.”

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Ja’far probably did call dibbs on killing Sinbad.

        The other Generals argue that he needs to learn to share. Sharing is caring after all.

        He has gotten them into impossible, uncomfortable, deadly to life and limb, and/or just plain embarrassing situations too and they want their pound of flesh.

        I think they might be trying to work out the logistics of how all of them can kill him. There are some very mistreated and destroyed dummies involved . . .

        Liked by 2 people

  3. Yeah, the change from Proper to Pissed Off would be an excellent way to hide. In high school as part of my dramatic arts class we had to group wrote and perform a play. I was cast as the goth in the play. For the lulz. Because while I wasn’t a prep, I wasn’t goth. I put on a bandana and took off my glasses and the teacher had about ten seconds of not recognizing me. Clothes make a difference.

    Also, I imagine that so long as a Fallen Jedi could remember who his allies were the Council wouldn’t care to much until after the war. And then Order 66 happened and being Fallen meant you weren’t a spot light in the Force. If you couldn’t shield, Falling and Dark would be attractive alternatives.

    Back off, plot bunny. Stop tempting me with tunnels under Coruscant, old levels in the Temple, tunnel rats, and rakghouls. No. The poor Padawans, Initiates, and Younglings don’t deserve that. And neither does a young Obi-Wan, why are you torturing him more then canon?

    Crap. I may have to Drabble it. Because apparently while I can plot big events, I can’t do more than a few scenes.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It’s hard to find decent armor on the run. Better to just use a style to hit ’em fast and hard. Unfortunately, after getting used to that, armor just slows you down.

        Goku had much fun repeatedly proving this in the training room with Shinies and other Mandalorians, taking them down before they could move very far and cracking armor with his bare hands.

        There are Mandalorian odes to that one time Sanzo and Hakkai sparred. (It landed in a draw, because Goku wandered in the middle of a match.) Limiting their movements or fields of vision is not an option.

        Gojyo just fights quick and dirty. He’d wear armor if it was available and wasn’t obvious, but he also has to keep up with Jedi and Goku….

        Liked by 4 people

      2. Duh, that’s Koumyou’s job. Personally, I picture him as a member of some other force tradition – perhaps one the the Jedi archeologists have teamed up with to research their history? And then they stumble on the Sutra right around Order 66. Konzen changes his name to Genjyo, starts calling himself a Sanzo and claiming to be a member of their order (or even just legit joins it; they’re so much more reasonable than these Jedi who didn’t even notice their Chancellor was a Sith). Koumyou gets killed off, maybe even by troopers, and presto! Sanzo and co. on the run.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. >Which may imply that Vader wants them dead anyway, he just can’t quite catch them….>
    Just as well. Not sure where the Ikkou fall in Star Wars power levels but Vader is pretty high up there.

    If he did corner them, it would probably be in the ‘take Goku’s limiter off while seeing if you can start shooting this Son-of-a-Hutt with some turbolasers’ situation.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I’m wondering why Palpatine would be trying to resurrect another Sith Lord. Call his spirit back from the beyond and enslave it to his will…maybe, but out and out resurrect?

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I really, really doubt that Sidious would allow the competition of another Sith Lord being brought back. Sidious had a lot of apprentices and followers who followed the dark side, but if they stopped following orders, well. The example of what he did to Maul and Savage Opress comes to mind. I imagine the group trying for resurrection is a splinter group hiding out in the outer rim . . . which would be another reason for the ikkou not to work with the Rebels; they’re fighting two different foes, though they are interconnected. (Informants dropping hints to both factions, bounty hunters taking jobs from whoever’s willing to pay the most, etc.) Which would give the ikkou a reason to run into the Ghost crew. (“We need that informant!” “No, we need him!” “Look, we’ll kill all the storm troopers, get out of here, then turn him upside down and shake him until he gives us both our info. Deal?” “Like I trust you after Bespin. Fine.”

    Liked by 2 people

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