Saiyuki Crackfic bunny: Worst Jedi Ever, IV

A few stray thoughts….

If the sutra is an ancient Force-technology itself, Kanzeon and her fellow kami as hidden Celestials might work. I suspect I’ll have to poke Wookieepedia a bit more before I settle on that, though.If I go for Kanzeon as Sufficiently Advanced Sith Lady – well, white-robed Sith might give the Jedi a nervous breakdown, which would be half the fun….

Gojyo fits as a half-Zeltron – they’re commonly empathic (while not Jedi-level sensitive), red-haired, and hedonistic. One of the interesting bits about them is they’re partly hedonistic because they’re empathic – they like it when people around them are having a good time.

As for Konzen/Kouryuu and Order 66? Scenario I picture is that while he wasn’t usually in command of troopers, those that met him appreciated his direct approach to certain problems, not to mention Goku’s eagerness to learn about solid warrior tactics and incredible capacity for violence. Meaning it’s possible that one or more held out against the programming/bio-chips long enough to know their Jedi would have one, and only one, chance to make it out of this mess alive.

So our blond Jedi had just a fraction of a second to sense a clone’s shot coming at Goku’s limiter – and the intent behind it.

(Which, seriously, would ensure Sanzo hates the ex-Republic and Palpatine forever and ever, amen. That trooper knew what he was setting off – and how unlikely it was anyone in the immediate vicinity besides Sanzo would survive. He knew.)

It’s possible that clone survived to wake up – having been swatted off a cliff by a Force Push or a batted blaster bolt. Because programming did not make any of the clones stupid, and said trooper would know heading back up that cliff would put him back in Goku-savaging range. Much more sane to call for reinforcements. And maybe an orbital bombing, just to be sure.

…Which might be part of what one soon-to-be-ex-Jedi would be counting on. After all, nothing makes it harder to find a body than having the whole place bombed flat….

So. Escape at least temporarily made, hauling along an out-cold Goku. He pulls together an approximation of the right priestly outfit, because even that insane identity has to be more survivable than a Jedi in the current new Empire. And then he crashes, hard, because even for a Jedi, running for your life tends to do that.

-And wakes up the next day in the whole elaborate costume. White robes, black belt, crown and veil….

Needless to say, Sanzo is Not Amused. Kanzeon may or may not be there giggling.

(Se bribed Goku with peaches. They were really good peaches!)

Note, while I haven’t yet sorted out exactly what the sutra’s capable of in the SW setting, it’s highly unlikely Sanzo would use it in his escape. People being mind-controlled aren’t evil. The best he could do with it is bind them – and if they’re shooting, they’re probably out of range for that.

It would, however, work darn well on droids. They’re effectively mechanical shikigami. So there.

As for Hakkai surviving Order 66….

Ahem. My bunnies say various clonetroopers got a very short, graphic, lethal introduction to how Hakkai uses energy manipulation for both shielding and offense. And then they kind of whimper in a corner about the blood.


36 thoughts on “Saiyuki Crackfic bunny: Worst Jedi Ever, IV

  1. *grins*

    I like it.

    Which, seriously, would ensure Sanzo hates the ex-Republic and Palpatine forever and ever, amen.

    Can’t say that I blame him.

    Re: Bombing

    Yeah, that would be a good cover.

    Nothing could have survived that and any body would be scattered atoms.

    Well they did survive both the original encounter and the bombing. Through it was a closer shave than Sanzo would have liked.

    Kanzeon may or may not be there giggling.

    If se was there, se might have done first instance of dodging Sanzo’s irate fire.

    But even if se wasn’t there, I bet se had some way of viewing it. Because Kanzeon had to see his reaction. Because it was going to be epic.

    Probably left a cheerful and highly annoying message about it for him to find too.

    And then they kind of whimper in a corner about the blood

    The ones that survived . . . or rather the ones that were far enough away to survive but still close enough to see it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. >Can’t say that I blame him.>
      Here’s the ‘fun’ part.

      The original idea for the control chips to be placed in the clones was from Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas.

      Supposedly their purpose was to ‘reduce clone aggression compared to their doner’ and to serve as a safeguard against rogue Jedi/Sith taking control of any clone groups or something of this nature.

      So Darth Tyranus killed him and took over the project, adding Order 66 to the list.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I’m guessing that he is often very polite to Hakkai.

        Especially when he sees or senses certain warning signs. Very polite and getting the heck out of range. He doesn’t think Hakkai will hurt him when he hasn’t done anything to deserve it but there will be blood everywhere and he doesn’t want to take the time to wash it out of his clothes and hair. Blood stains are hard to get out . . . plus he doesn’t want to get trampled when people realize that they should probably run.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Sifo-Dyas was said to be the one who originally commissioned the clones, yes, supposedly working off a vision saying they would be needed in a few decades. Then he conveniently died. His body wouldn’t be discovered until over a decade later towards the end of the clone wars. Whether he included the chips or not is left rather murky. Personally, I’m pretty damn sure that someone was manipulating Dyas and then had him killed off when he no longer had his uses. Or just killed him off and used his name. Because the Order would have noticed if he’d bought an entire army with their funds, which means he had to get the money from somewhere else. Somewhere the Jedi, in canon, were never able to discover before Order 66 came crashing down.

        My head canon? It was Sidious the entire time. It’s not like the Kaminans questioned their commision or ever tried to get in touch with the Jedi temple. After all, the customer is always right . . . if some form of force manipulation wasn’t used, Kamino has a lot to answer for.

        Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Your plot bunnies are *evil* I love it. Go Hakkai! To borrow a phrase “sounds like the most epic, frightening, excruciating beat down that anyone had ever witnessed” That is, if they live to report it.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It’s Saiyuki, they wander into an epic fight just in time to help Sanzo and Goku kick ass then nonchalantly mention that when Order 66 happened Hakkai killed things lots, Gojyo picked up Hakkai, stole a ship, cleaned off all the blood (and in that order.) Then they went to find Sanzo because if there’s a massive wave of evil, Sanzo will be involved somehow and it’d be a shame if he got dead before they could kill him for dragging them all over the force-damned clone wars.

        The timeframe is however it’s convenient to let the thought of an /unsupervised Hakkai/ nag in the back of Sanzo’s mind. And plot. That’s the good thing of Saiyuki, Rules of Cool and Convenient Timing apply.

        A thought: Kougaji and co. How do they fit into all this?

        Liked by 3 people

      2. I’m still figuring Kougaiji, Koushu and the rest out – ATM bunnies think Rasetsunyo was like one of the Witches of Dathomir, while Koushu’s full on Sith Lady. And Palpatine’s leaving them alone because if they do figure out immortality, he wants it.

        Liked by 3 people

  3. With Kanzeon why only settle for one of the options? Is there anything that says se can’t be a Celestial Sith Lady who does things for the lolz? (So se says. Not everyone is convinced, but trying to figure hir out gives people migraines.)

    Liked by 3 people

      1. That’s even better.
        That he would willingly go along with it would effectively be trolling everyone. His Dear Aunt might have started it, but pulling it off properly would say volumes about him. Including his humor. I refuse to believe he doesn’t have one somewhere deep down.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. True, but it’s not something people really focus on, much less pull off properly. Sanzo can be difficult to keep in character, judging by the fic’s I’ve read. And an out of character Sanzo, more than any other character done wrong, Pisses me off. I can’t even think of any other OOC character that would tick me off half so much, much less the wrathful rage-quit that results.

        I imagine you have a favorite character- or several- that you are particularly possessive/protective over?

        Liked by 3 people

      3. OOC Sanzo is one of the worst, yes. Particularly since… well, you know fic writers. Slash is everywhere. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but it’s Word of God Sanzo does keep his vow of chastity – because he doesn’t like to be touched that way.

        I like asexual characters in fiction. We need more of them!

        (I have written Sanzo cuddling, because human/whatever contact is a good thing and he could probably use more of it, not to mention he does let Goku get away with it in canon, but never farther than that.)

        So. Yes.

        …Oddly enough, two of the other characters that OOC will make me throw a fic across the room are Buffy and Xander. Buffy’s not an idiot; emotionally immature sometimes, but not an idiot. And Xander… sigh. Can we have less super-powerful versions trashing Buffy just so Xander can be the hero of the story? It’d be so much more of a challenge to make him powerful and have them working together!

        Liked by 2 people

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