Monstrous Compendium Ch7 bit – Adventurer Humor

“An albino….” Kirito leaned over her shoulder to read the page, eyes widening. “No. They didn’t.”

Asuna stifled a snicker. “They did.”

“But… smoke, it’s living in a volcano, scorch marks-!”

“White dragon,” Asuna said gleefully. “They came wrapped in cold resistance.”

“Of their fate we shall say no more,” Kirito read out loud, “save that when the cowardly – but far wiser – hoard thief Aurum Plainsrider crept within the dragon’s lair, he narrowly avoided death in a cunningly-placed pit trap, treacherously filled with the glassy shards of,” the swordsman couldn’t help but snicker, “broken ketchup bottles….”

She ended up hanging onto his shoulder as they both broke out laughing. “W-we… this really isn’t funny….”

“Crispy-fried knights.” Kirito’s shoulders shook. “I wonder if they peel like shrimp?”

“You’re horrible!” She’d been thinking exactly that. Anybody who assumed a mob had one set of abilities when all the clues Kayaba had left in the game said it had another-

“No I’m not. And neither are you.” Kirito smiled at her, quiet and serious. “We lost most people that stupid in the first month. Lucky for us.”

Asuna stiffened. “Lucky-!”

“If you think you know what you’re doing, and you don’t, people are going to die.” Kirito stepped back, looking away. “If you’re lucky, you’re the only one that dies.”

Which sounded like something Kirito knew. And the pain under those words squeezed her heart, especially when she knew that set of shoulders meant, said too much, moving on to go find monsters to kill

Impulsively, she gripped his wrist. Saw alarm flash over his face, and looked down, where a black sleeve was caged in sapphire claws.

Claws. Asuna swallowed, throat dry. He’s human. Why would he want me to touch him?

What else did she expect? She didn’t know herself in the mirror; how could he see the girl who’d helped him kill Illfang?

I should just go

This time, he caught her hand.

What do I do?

“Fuurinkazan is something else,” Kirito said quietly. “They got Issin through his change. When Kunimittz was bitten by a werewolf, they helped him hang on until I got there with healing herbs. When Klein was bitten… even as a turned weretiger, he held on. He kept himself from attacking, just long enough. I don’t think he could have done that if he didn’t trust them. Care about them. That guild is special.” Black eyes met hers for one shy instant. “Isn’t there one person in the Knights that cares about you?”


A/N: Because that old D&D story of the albino red dragon is just too good to pass up….

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28 thoughts on “Monstrous Compendium Ch7 bit – Adventurer Humor

  1. That albino red dragon is something that has to be implemented in a real adventure. Wonder how many players would fall for it, especially if you make the dragon import lots of ice (has a liking for ice cream or just wants to preserve its kills). And there are going to be issues with guild and turned players, might even lead to some guilds rearranged based on racial lines.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Tho now I’m wondering what color an albion dragon would be. Is there some “base color” that all albino dragons go, or is it dependent on their nominal racial color? Because while we normally think “white” for albinos, that’s not technically what it is: it’s “lack of standard pigmentation cells”, which in some species actually leaves them still having color (just different from the norm).

      What if instead of red to white, you got something like silver to white (or vice-versa), or maybe black is the “base” and every dragon goes black if albino.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Technically speaking “albino” does mean without color. Mammals tend to just have melanin, so one knockout leads to “white”. Birds and snakes, though, also have yellow/red pigments, so you can get a variety where one color is knocked out but not another. And then there’s blue and iridescence, which are caused by structural colors, not pigment, meaning an albino might still have “blue”.

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  2. Fuurninkazan are amazing, in retrospect. And is this what will have those two come together?
    i don’t know ebberon beyond its wiki-what is general attitude about mixed couples there?
    and that reminds me-will you do a version of Grimlock and Grizelda story here? will it be dealing with the issue of being turned?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, in canon for most D&D worlds, a lot of the sentient races were created by wizards or gods changing existing critters into something else, either by magic or by breeding programs facilitated by magic. So genetically, a lot of these folks are already related.

        But yeah, in the D&D worlds, almost everything seems to be cross-fertile. So obviously everything is actually the same species, just expressing phenotypes differently under different cues.

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  3. Why do I think that ‘trap’ was the dragon’s garbage pit? And you did sneak in ‘for your are crunchy and would taste good with ketchup.

    And Kirito gets a clue something is wrong with the KotB?

    Beniryuu: “Damn it, stop poaching all the cute, I mean best players!”

    And Kirito is going to have a hell of a choice at ‘game end’. Even if he can still go back, enough of his friends went youkai it is a toss up if he will stay for them.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Given that it’s Kirito and that he /knows/ that there’s a way to traverse the worlds? He’s probably going to find a way to go back and forth. Probably settle down in Eberron, but go to Earth from time to time to visit family and maybe play messenger if the price is right (because you know Argo will jump in and act as his agent for a cut of the profits and totally not because he’s her friend).

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Enh. I’ve never really seen the dilemma in plots like that. The obvious solution is to go back home *with* your new fancy powers and use them to save the world. Cure disease, create food and water, restoration – hell, if you have the modern world’s industry backing you something like Create Demiplane is downright cheap. So much good you could do with D&D magic in the real world.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. The hilarious thing about Kirito and Asuna’s tsun button is that he’s the only person in canon that’s ever actually managed to hit it…and Asuna’s is the only one he’s ever actually hit.

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  4. Though the sad thing is if we go by canon, Asuna didn’t really have any people she could call friend within the Knights.

    On more uplifting news, I checked the AOO site and Vathara posted chapter five.
    -scampers off to read-

    Liked by 1 person

  5. YES. I have no idea what the albino red dragon story is, but it sounds hilarious! And I saw that dragon joke in there! *LMFAO* XD I wish you the best of luck on your writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hah. Reminds me of that Adeventurers comic: https://web.archive.org/web/20150906111820/http://adventurers.keenspot.com/d/0029.html

    Nitpick – I don’t think Kirito would say “lucky” like that, especially after the Black Cats. He’s more the kind to blame himself than others, and even if Stheno broke him of that habit somehow (which should probably appear on-screen) he’d be unlikely to … well, he’s not *quite* wishing them dead, but it’s in the same ballpark? — At any rate I found it very jarring, so.

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