Steamy Alien Romance!

~ crossovercreativechaos

In – ahem – honor of Amazon constantly putting an advertisement for their latest paranormal alien romance at the bottom of my “recommended” emails, I propose people consider how said alien paranormal romances might be written in-universe, in the Stargate setting. Have some titles!

Captured By the First Prime

The System Lord’s Slave

The Queen’s Choice

Ha’taks and Honor

Bound By the Tok’ra

Coils of Apophis

Like a Zat to the Heart

The Blue Book of Love

A Token for the Tok’ra

The General’s Alien Mate

False God, True Bride

Not to mention the sizzling trilogy, Forbidden ‘Gate, ‘Gates of Love and Duty, ‘Gate to My Heart.

And don’t leave the Asgard out of the fun! How about, Hammered By Thor, Tricked By Loki, Fettered By Freya?

Picture Indy Jones!outfit Daniel Jackson, with Sha’re clinging to his leg a la slave outfit Leia. Jack in a torn black t-shirt, cammo pants, and way too many weapons harnesses, fending off Hathor in a lab on fire! Or a topless Teal’c, bridal-carrying Major Carter with long tumbling blonde hair, almost out of uniform.

Thrill to the descriptions of daring SGC doctors trapped behind enemy lines with injured alien soldiers, using all their medical skill to heal their wounds – and their wounded hearts. See how these romantic heroines handle their… staff weapons!

(Picture a furious General trying to track down the intelligence leak. Sam making notes of all the – ahem – classified data evident in the books, a la those poor guys analyzing The Hunt for Red October, head buried in her hands. Daniel arguing for an academic analysis of the influence of alien cultures on modern literature. Various SGC technicians trying to hide the paperbacks whenever SG-1 walks by. Janet steadily accumulating a confiscated pile of pulps.

Teal’c: “The details of the intimate encounter between the Jaffa guard and the planetary captive are… surprisingly accurate.”

Jack, reading over his shoulder, snorting.: “Well, there’s no way that part is accurate.”

Teal’c: Raised brow.

And at least half the books are written by Sgt. Siler under a pseudonym. Hey, what else is the guy going to do waiting around for the ‘Gate to open all day?)

Feel free to take and run with these. Do cover mock-ups! Blurbs! Heck, write ‘em if you want! Take that, alien paranormal romance!

…Ahem. Maybe I should lie down now….

43 thoughts on “Steamy Alien Romance!”

      1. *chokes on guffaw* They should have done this in-series. Or at least in the tie-in books! *goes back to rolling on the floor laughing* This is a *scream! Take *that*, Alien Romance!

        Teal’c: “…Indeed.”

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  2. My current inclination to laughter reminds me that the remastered Gundam Wing is apparently up on the Gundaminfo official youtube channel. In particular, Heero’s laughter in his introductory scene, ep. 1. (It is possible that I am a wee bit stressed.)

    My first thought was more about doing an original star gate knock off setting, with PNRs plotted to fit.

    My bunnies lately have rarely been stable enough for even ‘this list of elements is not a story idea’. So, Star-Gate PNR immediately reminds me of recent ideas, and I start thinking about Kung Fu Wizards as the supernatural creature in a PNR series.

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  3. If you’re getting the “aliens’s accidental bride” stuff, book two is way better.

    Both are very modern romance, but you can flip past the tab A to slot B and get to the world development really easy, and I am STILL delighted with book 2.

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      1. Given that a lot of folks in my circles buy your stuff, and buy from the Accidental lady, it’s likely you get them both; I honestly bought it because I was told romance sells and because I like the author as a person.
        But I *really* like her world building, even as I have no time for the “romance” stuff. (Er, not romantic. More …explicit. But yeah.)
        So 90% of it is “hey this is INTERESTING” which beats most tradpub stuff.

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      5. From blurb on first, aliens are big, blue guys.

        From blurb on second, new viewpoint gal is dealing with friend’s son who is escorting a bunch of cosplayers who are big, blue, and not a recognized fandom.

        *geeky scream*

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  4. Also, I’m making a saving throw versus “Siler is the author of a wildly popular PNR series, which the magical underworld thinks is surprisingly realistic, for all that they know he is not informed about it.” For that project I started talking about around two years ago.

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  5. Jack, reading over his shoulder, snorting.: “Well, there’s no way that part is accurate.”

    Teal’c: Raised brow.

    FwIW, totally hits my idea of Jack as a “thinks he’s worldly” zoomie who his.. still a zoomie.

    *sighs in Navy who got stuck on shore patrol ALL THE TIME*

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      1. Outside of TV, spec ops wouldn’t be in say a brothel very often. They might go out and get drunk, but they wouldn’t even go to a Tijuanan donkey show. (If you don’t know, you don’t want to.)

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  6. These had me laughing so hard I almost fell out of my chair. It took me a moment to figure out how “Blue Book of Love” was relevant, but then remembered that Project Blue Book was the code name for extraterrestrial studies, and it all made sense.

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      1. I really don’t want to know how they’d fit in the buckwheat pancakes. 🙂

        (For the uninitiated: The US Air Force Museum used to have a Project Blue Book exhibit (which got moved back into storage during the X-Files years, sadly enough). One of the exhibits was an example of alleged alien food which had been given to an alleged abductee, and which had turned out to be buckwheat pancakes.)

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  7. Not gonna lie, been reading a lot of Untamed fic lately, so some of the titles changed until I took a second look. And then I just about died, imagining all of the Sunshot Generation reacting to those kinds of novels.

    Wen Qing is fuming over the scanty/bad medical scenes, and is absolutely furious that the one book that had anything accurate is the one with the worst plot and the most sex. Hates omega verse books with a passion for the mockery they make of human biology, but still treasures one or two in secret for the actual writing.
    Jiang Cheng does his best not to pick up anything that is obviously inspired by his brother. He almost Qi deviated when he picked up some that were inspired by his sister instead. He’s too distracted trying to find that author for a ‘discussion’ to really notice much else.
    Wei Wuxian honestly has the best luck with finding the ones that have great plot and characters, minimal errors in cultivation or biology, and while citrusy aren’t that explicit. Everyone else is jealous.
    Jiang Yanli is woman enough to admit she’s there for the romantic subplot and will physically wall a book for failing to live up to its potential. Prolific fanfic writer, primarily fix it. Wei Wuxian is her beta reader/sounding board.
    Niè Huaisang revels in it all, the pulpier the better. Can identify how likely a book is to contain what kinds of smut by the cover art.
    Niè Mingjue literally could not care less, so long as no one has the bright idea of using his baby brother as an inspiration.
    Meng Yao sees no problem in them personally, but never reads them in public. After he marries, he will read the ones Qin Su has in their suite but doesn’t pay more than minimal attention.
    Wen Ning avoids them, but he gets sucked into LitRpg without knowing how. He shares Wen Qing’s distaste for how the biology of omegaverse is handled, but has a soft spot for them anyway.
    Jin Zixuan reads whatever book he finds around Jiang Yanli. It means he has quite the depth and breadth of knowledge, but he can never keep straight what is actual canon and what is her fics, because she and Wei Wuxian leave hard copy drafts everywhere. It’s ok, most of the people who read her fics have the same problem.
    Jin Zixun has never looked at one. Never. Stop asking alright? (He picked up what turned out to be a very hardcore, dirty omega verse one. It was his first exposure to pulp novels and scarred him forever. He really doesn’t read them.)
    Mo Xuanyu (I know he’s younger then the SS generation, but for completeness sake, he’s here) will not only read them, he’ll read them in public. Has a rating system, and will dissect them clinically. Gives very helpful customer reviews.
    Qin Su has a few, not many. She buys them mostly for the promised plot and skips past the sex. Meh, it’s a popcorn book. Buy it for a buck, open to a random page, throw away when done.
    Lan Xichen is vaguely aware that the genre exists, in that he’s seen the advertisements and found them in the grocery store. He’s never actually looked at them himself.
    Lan Wangji eventually figures out Wei Wuxian and Jiang Yanli‘s shared hobby, and just read their stuff instead of the canon. He dabbles in fic writing himself, but can never admit that he has an account that’s known for the hottest sex scenes. (His other account gets into fights in the comment section about how unrefined those fics are.)

    Sorry, just. Thinking about it and off it goes!

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      1. No, actually if you read the incense burner chapter 117, he remembers that the book actually didn’t have anything to do with cutsleeves, and definitely did not have a certain page to fall open to. (He’s very impressed with the attention to detail his husband had, even in a dream.)

        So in this, Wei Wuxian picks for himself the best of it, but he still helps Juan Yanli with her stuff so he knows the rest exist.

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  8. There has to be a double entendre you can make about the Goa’uld possession.

    The Goa’uld Closest to My Heart.
    The Deepest Penetration
    Forever Cuddling
    ‘Til Death Do We Part (guaranteed)
    The Art of Communication

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  10. …this is the Dark Side of the whole “Wormhole X-TREME!” plot arc, isn’t it? 🙂

    For some reason, this reminds me of the persistent rumor that a major IRL cult (*ology) was started when one SF author bet another one that he couldn’t create a religion from thin air and get people hooked on it. Not sure why my brain made that connection, unless Siler took a drunken bet that he “could write smut that actually sells, dammit!”, and found he couldn’t stop once the royalty checks started rolling in….

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    1. I dunno. I don’t know what my head does sometimes, especially when trying to find books as light romance examples and continually coming up with “too much sex!”

      And yes. From what I’ve heard that’s exactly how that -ology started, and I despise it. Didn’t like his books either.

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      1. I keep getting KULL fairytale-inspired (… like, specific ones) romances with minimal/no explicit sex. With somewhat more justification than what you keep seeing, I guess, since I did actually read a number of them.

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    2. My bunnies disagree, they have an alternative dark side that they are more interested in.

      GGO is sorta like a Wormhole Xtreme Online would look like. Phantom Bullet Arc. Canon Phantom Bullet would be an obnoxious thing to inflict on Jack.

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      1. I don’t want to inflict canon Phantom Bullet on Jack. I have a sense that some adjustments will nicely fit the plots I want.

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  11. It’s well-known that, if military people are on a forward base and can’t get on the Internet, they will pass around and read any paperback books of any genre whatsoever, and not care.

    My dad has been known to get desperate enough for print on pages to read trashy military/action hero romances… I think it’s hilarious but sad when it happens, because it’s a sign of his extreme boredom with the new book selection at the library.

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