Bridge ficbit – Impatient Patients

~ crossovercreativechaos

Scrambling down the path, Ichigo tried to dodge-

No!

Glass shattered, chill as Loki’s heart. The world grayed.

…When it came back, Isshin was whispering a father’s stern reassurances to the shivering boy in his arms. And two sets of awed girls’ eyes were staring up at him, then out a frost-shattered window, down an ice-slick street….

The shimmer was still howling. But now it was a frustrated, incredulous howl, as the lump of heat-shimmer skidded and thumped every time it tried to claw its way toward them.

His hands were blue on the window-frame. Loki didn’t have to look farther. Now they know. Now they can see the monster-

“Awesome,” Karin breathed. “Do it again!”

This family, Loki decided, carefully sitting down on the floor, is insane.

“Does it hurt?” Yuzu wondered, brown eyes wide. “You were blue before, and you were hurt! Daddy!”

“Hang on, Daddy’s got to get some potholders before he checks pulses,” Isshin said cheerfully. “And don’t even try shifting back right now, Loki. If that thing doesn’t get a clue, we might need some more ice.” He grabbed a phone by the wall. “Kisuke! Get your lazy perverted shopkeeper ass over here and swat this thing! I know you know it’s here. What did I tell you about training my kids?”

A pause.

“Patients count on the do not mess with list, Kisuke. Or I’m telling Ryuuken about the demonic cell phones.”

A longer pause; Loki thought he caught an echo of yelling from the other end of the line.

Isshin grinned, all teeth. “He doesn’t know that.”

38 thoughts on “Bridge ficbit – Impatient Patients”

  1. Go Loki!

    Besides nothing like the kids thinking its awesome to take the wind out of Loki’s “I’m a horrible monster” sails.

    Ichigo, at least in his head and probably at least a few times out loud (because it won’t be Ichigo or a teenaged boy if he didn’t stick his foot in his mouth at least once), will probably be comparing Rukia and Loki, and Hitsugaya and Loki, considering all of them are varying degrees of cranky ice-and-frost wielders. He also might wonder if he’s got some kind of weakness for said cranky killer frost-bite generators considering how many of them he gets close to.

    And Go Isshin! Keep the prevy shop-keeper in line – who needs his own clue hammer since apparently the last one failed to have any effect . . . It’s not that Kisuke doesn’t think about what he does, he just in some ways doesn’t think enough. Kisuke Urahara, you really need to learn that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean that you should. I know you have some scruples, unlike your successor to the Twelve.

    On the plus side, with all of this learning, maybe someone will think to check Rukia’s gigai for unwanted additions . . .

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    1. Ichigo apparently has a knack for flirting with frostbite, yes. I think it’s one of the things bunnies glommed onto for this fic.

      And hee, yes. Urahara has a problem with desk-checking potential consequences. I suspect there will be several people involved in keeping him a smidge more sane.

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    2. > Ichigo apparently has a knack for flirting with frostbite, yes. I think it’s one of the things bunnies glommed onto for this fic. >
      And speaking of said snow mini lop ( Seriously Rukia is practically pocket sized 😀 ) I have the sneaking suspicion that her introduction to the Den of Insanity, I mean Kurosaki household and Karakura in general will be just a little bit different than canon.

      Rukia: What’s wrong with this town?!? All of them can see Hollows, 3/4ers of them can see me, there are a bunch of humans running around shattering Hollows and most importantly, the Kikanshinki I was given is worseless!

      Seriously Rukia tended to use that memory modifier all over the place until people got resistant to it.

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      2. > …Oh yes, Karakura’s full of youkai… *G* >
        Rukia: Why aren’t you doing anything you idiot?!? Giant Hollow right in front of us, about to eat us!
        -Ichigo sighs, goes over and raps the Monster-Hollow gently on the mask-
        Ichigo: Alright Rei, thats enough knock it off.
        Hollow: (in a little girl’s voice) But Ichi-nee, she’s funny!
        Ichigo: Yeah, but she’s also rather high strung and I need to live with her. Also I recall Megumi-san saying you weren’t supposed to use kitsune-bi to scare the tourists anymore.
        Hollow: Oh fiiiiine. -It explodes into a cloud of smoke revealing a little girl with fox ears and tail who dashes off-
        Rukia: Bu-Wha-Sh-It-What? How? Who?
        Ichigo: Riiight. To you, Hollows, Humans and Shinigmai are the only things in existence. Guess I have to give you The Talk. Be grateful it’s not Goat-chin doing this, he’d be using sock-puppets.

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  3. Oh dear, we’re down to blackmail this quickly? Kisuke, Kisuke, Kisuke… You really must learn to keep your hands to yourself.
    Also, why do I feel like Kisuke has nothing to do with said demonic cell phones? Sometimes it really sucks to be the resident mad scientist. No one believes that you’re not to blame, even if it’s the truth!

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  4. Oh dear, we’re down to blackmail this quickly? Kisuke, Kisuke, Kisuke… You really must learn to keep your hands to yourself.
    Also, why do I feel like Kisuke has nothing to do with said demonic cell phones? Sometimes it really sucks to be the resident mad scientist. No one believes that you’re not to blame, even if it’s the truth!
    (If this ends up being double-posted, I apologize… The phone is giving me fits…)

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    1. I actually ran across a fanfic (I’ve been unable to find it since) where Urahara was cornered by demonic cell phones in his shop. Which was not his fault, except for taking shady merchandise in the first place…. It was amusing. 🙂

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  6. Poor puzzled protective Loki. Yes, the girls will think you’re awesome because you saved their brother and are blue. Monsters are reserved for hollows and Things Trying to Hurt (Them/Family/People.) Yes, you zinged Ichigo a bit, but it wasn’t on purpose and yhey can tell that.

    Idshin vs Urahara phone call: *is amused. Very amused* you can tell they’re good friends by the amount they threaten bodily harm.

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      3. >>Isshin and Ryuuken will end up better friends than normal>>

        Good, maybe then they can prevent Uryuu from grabbing onto the Idiot and Conflict Balls as strongly as he does in cannon. Because for someone who is supposed to be smart, he has pulled some really stupid stuff. And his stupid stuff tends to have the potential for a lot of collateral damage.

        Releasing stuff that attracts Hollow anyone? Just to have a penis-measuring contest with Ichigo? Because that is effectively what it was. One that endangered hundreds of innocent people and probably killed some of them. Because the people who would have been fighting to prevent that are very good but they can’t have been everywhere at once. Even Yoruichi isn’t that fast.

        Jeez, Ichigo might be the loudest example but he is far from the only one in this fictional universe who needs to think more before they act. Loki is going to have his hands full.

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  7. I imagine far in the future an Asgardian trying to say how frost giants/Loki is dangerous to the girls and Karin kicking them with spirituality enanhced strength and Yuzu being so maternally disapproving of their inability to accept the differences of other people that the Asgardian more than vaguely feels like they’re being dressed down by Frigga.

    Because there were snuggle piles and homework helping and Loki freaking out the first time someone got a cold because that Didn’t Happen on Asguard and Oh Norns, Are They Dyjng?! Nothing can convince the Kurosaki children that Big Brother Loki is a monster. Trickster, bit of a shit, and a tendancy twards the melodramatic, sure. But monster? Never. And if Big Brother Ichigo heard this nonsense, buildings might level.

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      3. Both, but he’ll try to pretend he was neither and that this was expected and all a part of his plan. (Because, of course, the entire point of them storming Asgard would be to rescue Loki.)

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  8. >> *Rueful* Bunnies say, not just Loki. Loki and Yuzu.
    …Odin may never know what hit him.

    Please tell me Thor, Sif, the Warriors Three, and any Thor-friendly Earthlings present spend the arc playing some variety of roles on a scale from Hanataro to Byakuya (I figure Renji is somewhere in the middle)?

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      1. Think most of the Avengers would have words for something like that. To put it mildly. But we are looking forward to someone getting Cap’s look of supreme disappointment / disapproval. Especially if some of the Aesir find themselves again reminded of Queen Frigga and have to resist the urge to look at their feet and shift uncomfortably . . .

        Might be a nice moment of levity amongst Ichigo’s roaring rampage. Because harming his sisters is a Berserker button for Ichigo.

        He’d still storm Asgard to save Loki if it was Loki alone (because that’s exactly what he did for Rukia) but with Yuzu caught in this mess, he’s probably not going to be nearly as nice about this rescue mission as he was about the one in the Soul Society.

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      3. I was just looking this back over and some alarming things occurred to me: Cap may be disapproving, but Odin’s word is law in Asgard and that makes it an unpleasant place for non-Aesir. I mean, based on some of Odin’s derogatory comments on Jane in Dark World when she’s on Asgard? And that was a mortal his heir vouched for.

        Sif and the Warriors Three I can totally see actually respecting the Avengers, and as allies of Thor’s they’re probably treated politely while there. But any attempts to get involved are probably going to be mocked and ignored by Odin unless they’ve got a bargaining chip to Make him pay attention.

        This is ignoring Yuzu’s likely treatment when the person negotiating on her behalf is not Thor but Loki – and I find it doubtful Yuzu would do the politically expedient thing and Not kick up a fuss as to Loki’s own treatment, not unless Loki really convinces her first.

        I’d like to imagine Frigga is a bastion of sanity in this mess. . . but in Dark World we didn’t see her interact with anyone from Earth until after the Aether was discovered in Jane, so who knows her attitudes towards Earthlings that aren’t. . . important (granted, she clearly still cares for Loki and if Yuzu is important to Loki that makes her useful to Frigga, but Frigga of myth is a Trickster who successfully got the better of Odin on at least one occasion, so that might not be a good thing).

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      4. I haven’t seen Dark World, so I’m going to go with everybody at least as sane as they were in Thor.

        That said, yep, dealing with Odin would be very, very tricky. I definitely haven’t figured out all the details of that.

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      5. What’s the problem with bringing Kenpachi? He’s there for moral support. What with that soft spot he has for kids, the big guy is sure to be a very reassuring sight to the poor, traumatized child.

        Besides, this is a Kurosaki we are talking about. She might not be quite the maniac the rest of them are, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Yuzu found Kenpachi to be… cuddly. Especially if Yachiru’s with him- and let’s face it, it’s a rare occasion when you see one but not the other. Or a captain’s meeting.

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  9. > “Rest of Ichigo’s maniacs: Okay, we really need to sit on him…

    Sitting on him won’t work! This is the guy who canonically broke the Gates of Hell! Kenpachi would be needed just to slow him down! …maybe.

    … Would a Stern Frown of Dissaproval work on slowing Ichigo down? Y/N?

    Secondary question: Are Yusu and Yachiru friends in this ‘verse? If so – pretty sure Asgard will face friggin’ Ragnarock in the form of pink, petite raw menace.

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