Welcome to Tramontana!

…I wrote the below as a synopsis for Count Taka and The Vampire Brides. I’m just not sure where I’d put it in the book. Too long for a back cover, maybe as a frontispiece… anyone out there have any thoughts?

———

Welcome, traveler, to wild Tramontana!

Here you will find snowclad mountains, roaring rivers, vast caves perhaps never seen before by mortal man! Here the strong Horses of Night roam the mountainsides – perhaps you can tame one to ride with your charms. Here the shepherds call to the long-fleeced sheep, the sheep to their sweet lambs – and you can find true telemea, the softest and freshest of cheese, in the gift shop, herb-flavored, a dozen special varieties-

Eh? You’re not here for the gift shop?

Ah, the cameras, of course! Forgive me, most of the photographers we see head straight for the ski lifts. Or the whitewater. Yet there’s so much more to Tramontana! The healthy farmers bringing in the hay, the soaring churches, the wild gypsy dancers – you must dance with the gypsies – and Raven Castle! Oh, there’s a place of history… and mystery.

It held the line against the Turks, they say, and the ancient lords rooted out all manner of uncanny beings… or bargained with them. Have you heard the rumors? That Count Herodes has ruled from that castle for over a hundred years? True, I tell you, all true!

…Monsters don’t exist, eh? Well, well, take your photographs, and we’ll see!

But you must visit the castle. The Blood Moon is coming, yes, and they say that’s when vampire lords can take a Bride! Other years have come and gone with no new lady in the castle, but this year… oh, you should hear Mistral sing the omens! A lass with your modesty and charms-

What’s that? Ah, temper, temper; location shots, yes, I see. Which way to the castle… there are maps in the gift shop, and tour schedules – but we can do better than that! Why, we’ll escort you there ourselves, no trouble at all, I insist

Ooof. That’s a feisty one! Well, she’s packed off now. The other Brides should have some interesting weeks….

Mihail? What do you mean, Kae’s not a girl’s name?

…Oops.

(Vampire with annoying relatives meets photographer with terrifying relatives. Hilarity Ensues.)

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8 thoughts on “Welcome to Tramontana!

  1. A story to this sounds really interessting (which means I’d love do read it! 🙂 ).Does the full story already exist or is this something that you’ll maybe write in the future?

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    1. I have the rough draft written; Count Taka and the Vampire Brides ended up being my 2014 NaNo. I’m currently working on the first rounds of edits – getting out nitpicky distracting typos and fixing word choices. After that will come the more thorough edits of “this scene doesn’t work here, time to use the chainsaw!” So yep, I’m hoping to get that publishing-ready at some point. I’m also currently poking DeviantArt and the web to see if I can find someone who might do a good comedy-type cover for it. 🙂

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  2. It is the BEST. EG.

    Yuri. Just. *CACKLES at Kae’s opening lines about what she’s been Up To*. Trope Associated: Embarrassing Little Sis.

    EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER spends the entire time either making you turn to goo out of Eee!! Cute!! or Laugh Yourself Sick.

    Think Net levels of snark and cute. If certain Certified Mad Scientist Ladies of Doom had taken a good dose of Harem Comedy Deconstruction and Sheer Madcap and gone to work mutating everything they could get their hands on…

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  3. So… that means there’s a chance I’ll eventually get to read this – great! 🙂
    (Though, I’ll probably be happy with anything else you’ll publish too)

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